A common expression in therapy is to feel your feelings. But what does that mean exactly? And how do you do it? Emotionality and thinking are two things that often hinder people from experiencing their true feelings and learning about them and what they need.

Emotionality is often mistaken for experiencing intense feelings. This is an example of emotionality when you experience a spiraling, tearful episode, where you cannot stop crying and almost feel a loss of control. It could feel productive, and some parts of it may be, but ultimately, it is not getting you to the root of your feeling.

Thinking is often intermixed with emotionality. For example, you start thinking about sadness in your heart, which leads to more crying. Thoughts of repetitive sadness, thoughts of never feeling happy, and thoughts of being alone, are all examples of how thinking takes the root feeling of sadness, in this case, and turns it into a swirl. Unfortunately, this swirl detaches you from the root feeling and almost distracts from getting to truly understand the sadness.

There are usually unconscious reasons why people detach from real feelings or use emotionality and thinking as distractions. Real feelings can be scary or intimidating if you are not used to experiencing them, but that anticipatory uncertainty is often worse than the feeling itself. And regardless of if you are feeling your feelings or not, they still live within you and impact you, although it may not be consciously obvious.

The more you can experience the root feelings in your body, the more capable you are of listening to them and knowing what they need. It takes practice to quiet emotionality and thinking though, especially if you have been unaware of these things and their hindrance on the healing process. Good questions to ask yourself are, am I swirling in emotionality right now? Am I quiet and in control, or is this chaotic and confusing? Is this a thought, or is this a sensation in my body? Practice asking yourself these questions throughout your day or in meditation. With practice and patience, you’ll start noticing the distinction between real feelings from swirling emotionality and restless thinking.